Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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