Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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