I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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