Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i barfeds in our rink
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
