i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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