so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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