put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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