college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
