too bad you live with your parents still
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
