Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im part way to drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
