Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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