NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
