Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
