Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
