well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
