He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
