do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
