he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
