First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
