the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
