Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
soo... how was my night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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