Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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