he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize