oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize