you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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