everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
