Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
