if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think my tv is drunk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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