you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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