you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
