if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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