Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
