fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
