don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
