If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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