I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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