....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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