So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
