Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
