your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i now understand why vodka
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
