My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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