I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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