scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
