I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
