I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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