It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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