Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
