I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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