it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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