Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
false alarm, still single
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
