too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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