Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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