he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
