i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
