put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
