I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
