1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i came on her dog
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
