It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
