whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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