i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
