he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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