i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you would pick up someone in the library
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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