Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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