just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
