Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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