Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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