she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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