If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
