Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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