How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
