At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
