She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's paint friendship bongs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize