Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
