I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drake has all the answers
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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