please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
