got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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