I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
