new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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