can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
