I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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