Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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